Biography

My name is Johnathan Phan and I’m a 23 year old figuring out postgrad. I am a Vietnamese queer person born and raised in Orange County (Westminster/Garden Grove/Fountain Valley). I am the youngest son out of four and my parents are refugees from the Vietnam War. I grew up always interested in visual and performing arts: drawing, painting, violin, flute, choir, theatre, dance. I’ve never committed to one art form because I always have ideas to express myself differently. Undergrad was challenging because of my conflicting Asian American perspectives of choosing a safe, stable profession and following my passion in art. I felt my passion was more than a hobby, but my father and peers chose safer, reliable career paths than the starving artist. I struggled with choosing a career because I did not want to face the harsh reality of each one. I did not want to be another cog in the capitalist machine nor did I want to stress out and struggle financially.

[Below is taken from my undergrad Artist Statement] (LONG READ)

My self-portraits focus on expressing feelings and emotions I could not easily tell through words. I also like to interpret others in my work whenever it is a stranger or friend.

Coming from a background of emotional negligence and trouble trying to fit in, I tried to render myself as best as I could through the natural forms of the medium. Through bold, thick oil paints or dark charcoal, I search for the validation that I never  experienced as a child. The type of validation a family provides and the type a child needs to be themself. My self-posing in intimate settings forces the viewer to be vulnerable with me and be honest whether or not they like me as I am. 

No matter how many times I paint or draw myself, I will never achieve the “perfect” one. Distasified with my past attempts, I render myself over and over again, trying to reach the most accurate representation. But in reality, no amount of self-portraits could ever truly tell my story. The same way you tell people the same story and they will interpret it in their own ways. You will always show a different side to different people, but at the end of the day, you only know yourself best. However, most people don’t know their own repressed subconsciousness. 

The striped backgrounds of my work forces the viewer to hone in on me staring at my body, my body language, and facial expression. When I strip away the clothes and the material objects, all I have left is my body to express. The sensual attitude of my works alludes to my hypersexual upbringing from unrestricted internet access and childhood abuse. But rather than working against my sexual and emotional trauma, I transform it into something I can control and share it with the world to help others validate themselves as well. 

Body language and facial expressions are important to my portraits because they were the main indicators of my family’s emotions. To survive an unpredictable family environment, I developed a strong sense of emotional intelligence to not trigger my parents and brothers. I made sure no one in the family got upset because it would negatively affect me and the home. My emphasis on body communication reflects the universal language I had to use to bear through my childhood. 

To an outsider, my works are just self-portraits. But to me, they are more than just myself. My self-portraits serve as an act of self-love and recognition of my past trauma and hurt emotions. Why would I draw or paint myself if I already know what I look like? I invite the audience to look past the surface, to ask why I am in that pose, why I am looking at the viewer that way, why I chose to present myself to the world in an unconventional yet understandable sense. 

As of right now, I do not feel satisfied with my journey as an artist because I am still trying to define what my art is and what it should be. I do not like to admit, but I have been procrastinating on making my own art outside of academia and if I am being honest, it is because I liked consuming media, hanging out with friends, and other activities rather than spending time making my own art. Growing up playing video games and watching YouTube videos was easier and more enjoyable than making art. However, I always wanted to keep making art, playing instruments, and entertaining a crowd through mediums such as dance, acting, humor, or singing.

Navigating life through college was hard because in the beginning, I set on majoring in Computer Science to achieve a financially secure job and please my father. As my first year went on, I quickly realized being a software engineer was not my path, so I pivoted to animation as I liked cartoons growing up and working for animation projects is a better source of income than just portraits. In community college, I dropped my story illustration tech class because I disliked working on projects with limited creative freedom or interpretation. I am still facing that problem. I decided I want to entertain as a career and save traditional art for myself in my free time. This is still a work in progress as I am a full time student, but I want to entertain a live audience on Twitch or other social media outlets and do portraits on my own time. It is kinda embarrassing to receive clarity on something that seemed so complicated yet obvious from the start. 

Quenlin Blackwell and CaseOh are two content creators that come to mind when I think of engaging, relevant content connecting people through humorous media. Quenlin Blackwell is an American internet influencer, comedian, and model and CaseOh, or Case Baker, is a video game Twitch streamer. These two both established a fanbase and rallied internet virality multiple times through their digital influence. Quenlin and Case’s content resonates with many and keeps people coming back.

One thing I enjoy about Quenlin’s content is not only her personality, but her video editor’s funny, stimulating, pop culture editing style. Quelin entertains her audience through referencing pop culture and speaking her mind. As for all parasocial relationships on the internet, Quenlin connects through her relatable Gen Z humor and internet references. Her editor, Olive elevates her videos to another level of entertainment as she adds another layer of internet humor . Viewers can tell Olive has her own yet similar sense of humor to Quenlin. The chemistry between Quenlin’s jokes, commentary, and Olive’s attention grabbing, niche yet relevant internet references feels like two friends bouncing jokes off each other and building on top of an inside joke that never ends. 

For CaseOh, his personality and his relationship to his Twitch chat are the highlight of his content. His major source of vitality comes from his Ps5 messages making jokes on his weight and appearance . His over-the-top reaction went viral over TikTok and for a while that became his “brand”. CaseOh didn’t take the internet jokes to heart and played along to boost his following. As the jokes got repetitive and the audience grew, CaseOh curated new dynamics and inside jokes with his community. His engaging, attention-demanding humor, body language, voice stims entertain many on the internet. CaseOh’s personality is a child-like impulse living inside plenty of us, desperately wanting to come out.We are too scared to fully express the disruptive humorous behavior in fear of upsetting others. However, CaseOh embraces this trait and showcases it through his gameplay livestreams. His personality feels authentic because it is live and no editing or high production behind his content. His consistency proves to others that he is just like that. His strong, down to earth opinions also makes him respectable and relatable. CaseOh isn’t the most famous content creator, but his fanbase is strong and loyal to him, showing up to shorts, streams, VODS, and playing along with his inside jokes, and his slang. CaseOh streams emulates playing video games with your close friend in a Discord Call.

I reference these two creators because it is the dynamic I want to create on the internet. Carving out my own niche and connecting with my community with humor and relatability, while having the flexibility and financial income to pursue what I am passionate about. With traditional art, I can’t fully entertain or make the audience feel what I’m feeling. Traditional art limits how I can show up to the world. To add on, my generation does not consume visual media the same way as older generations. These traditional mediums are harder to access and are less stimulating and entertaining than social media content. I don’t think this means art is dead; I think art is transforming into something new, as all art does. I believe art is showing up in internet entertainment and content rather than paintings or sculptures. To entertain and connect with an audience is a baseline among all art. I believe social media content is that new avenue. The power lies within the content creator and has less rules and more flexibility than traditional art. Making social media is more accessible than traditional art and more relevant to today’s culture. Obviously, some are in it just for more money, but there are creators passionate about their hobbies and interests. Not all art is popular or understandable. I also believe entertaining an audience is an art within itself. Performing arts exist in many formats: dance, musicals, plays, choir, juggling, etc. Maybe I am in the wrong place. Maybe I don’t want my art to be primarily visual. Maybe I want my art to be performative, entertaining, and storytelling. 

I’ll still express myself to the world just not in the same way as my self-portraits. The way I stim, the way I sing, the way I express my jokes and my body are all the avenues someone will take to explore my personality. While they walk down my avenues, they will appreciate and choose what speaks to them, carrying these collaborative gifts to the next destination in their lives. Through my digital content creation, I want to show people it’s okay to be yourself. My jokes, vulnerability, and thoughts are the avenues I want people to explore because I hope they will find themselves in me. All I ever wanted in life was to be loved and understood and I want my audience to know it’s okay to desire, chase, and demand it. There will be someone else out who relates to you, someone who celebrates you, and someone who will appreciate you the way you deserve. The first person this will be is yourself. You are the only person who carries your experiences, thoughts, trauma, dreams, and mindset. You are the first and only to love and nurture yourself the way you need and want because you know what you lack, both consciously and subconsciously. Through discovering myself in different arts and various paths in life, I know how I will show up in the world.